outside my window

They are there. Even though it takes an act of Congress for me to get out the door these days with this twenty pound brick attached to my leg, life goes on, and they are there.

Amazing King Alfred jonquils - (yes, I say jonquils because I'm Southern and I have an affection for Tennessee Williams's Amanda and all belles) the fruit of my fall battle with Cody, our newest four-legged family member. My screams plus trowel jabs attempted to persuade him that bulbs fit better in the dirt than in his mouth. Yes, he did snatch a few when I wasn't looking, and as I made my way back inside, I found a trail of gnawed brown blobs dotting the trail. I searched for the nearest mound of dirt, shoved them down, and hoped there was enough cover to produce a flower. Yea! Enough dirt!

Pink bursting tulips - yes, they, too, escaped the savageness of Cody. They popped up, just in time to keep King Alfred company.

Life goes on. Just look outside the window. Over your shoulder. Spring in the South is exceptional, amazing, awe-inspiring, and I was so afraid I would miss it. However, I didn't. I just have to work a little harder to discover, but it's there. The world keeps turning and the flowers keep blooming. For me, that is reassuring. Having one less leg to maneuver on does not stop the world from turning. Working a bit harder to experience or view life's most ordinary moments does make those moments extraordinary.

better. me. much better

I have this - Better. Me. Much Better. - on a post-it above my desk - followed by a list of choices that, if handled correctly, will, in fact, make me a much better person. Of course, following those is the key.

The list is short but demonstrative. One that always makes a connection is this: Don't stop dreaming. 


I was once told by someone that that was my downfall; I dreamed too much. I dreamed of moments, events, things that would never possible come true, and I spent so much time dwelling on what might possibly happen that I forgot to live in the present. I guess you could say that was true. Maybe I didn't want to live in the that present.


Time has elapsed and that present is no longer here, and I'm in a much better place, but I still dream. I dream every single day. Even though, economically, things are strapped, I still linger over travel sites, search through airline flights, and pray for availability at my favorite little bungalow. I get excited when I get sale emails and I hurriedly go to the website, pick out a few favorites and then, click the 'x' in the top right hand corner. I am satisfied. Although I don't go through the official 'check out', I'm happy to have lingered awhile.

I've always said, if I didn't have the capacity to dream, I would have called it quits long ago. I believe it's an innate power given to us mere mortals to reach for those desires that are a tad beyond our reach.  Henry David Thoreau said it best: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. The simplicity of Walden Pond gave him a power he never knew possible. Hey, that just might be the key - simplicity.

I like the much better version of myself, and that involves no stuff, no travel, no full shopping carts. That version includes peace, happiness, contentment, satisfaction, hard work, busy days, and a dash of pride in the me that I have become. Making the right choices, sticking steadfast to a goal, searching and researching a better way, and putting all the knowledge I have to work for the good. 

I am a better person because I know what it takes to make a better person. There are dreams that involve stuff and the world, but then there are dreams that take me to a higher place. Those must come as often as that morning cup of coffee. 

Finishing my novel, organizing and scheduling my day, following my doctor's orders, being beside my children when they need me, offering to help others in any way I can, and remembering how blessed I am to have found my first love in the middle of my life  - these dreams, these desires, these goals will help me live the life I have imagined.

i know why they shoot horses

Pretty in Pink.

It always seemed inhumane to even think of shooting a horse who simply had an injured or broken leg. How awful! The horse would recover, of course he would. After all, it's just a bruise, a bump, a broken bone. It would take time, but all would be well with the world again.

Huh!

Poppy-cock!

Bullshit!

I totally understand why they shoot horses. Shoot me! Now!

OK, a simple aching foot last winter turned into a ripped-to-shreds Achilles tendon, courtesy of a spur on the rounded edge of my heel. Sounds so innocent, doesn't it?

A little Bear love.

It's true; Jersey girls don't pump gas.

After a year of pain plus a very fashionable foot brace, I took the plunge and had surgery to remove the heel spur and repair the tendon. Piece of cake, I thought. I've had c-sections, stomach surgery and even plastic surgery - what could be worse? Well, put an extra 50 pounds on my left foot, paint it pink and call me Shirley! I'm 52 for heavens sake. Fifty-two year old's don't hobble around on one foot chasing a knee walker.

Turns out, we do.

I'm three weeks in, two with mesh covering and an air cast, and one with the pink concrete block, and now, these things I know for sure:

1. If a doctor ever suggests a block of the area to be worked on, agree wholeheartedly. It's great during surgery and even greater up to three days afterwards.

2. You think you have balance, but you really don't.

3. You can sleep quite soundly with a two-foot piece of foam underneath one leg.

4. The most simple tasks are not simple anymore. You take for granted simply being able to get up from the sofa and grab a cup of coffee when you want one.

5. I have a new-found respect for the handicapped and the aged.

6. I am exhausted after visiting the toilet!

7. And most importantly, never, and, I mean never, take pain meds like the prescription bottle says - every 4 hours to relieve pain. What waits for you at the end of the road is NOT a pretty sight and you will not believe it even possible even as you are screaming through it.

So my dear horses, take care of those legs. We all know what will happen if you don't. And trust me, it will be in your best interest when you hear the cock of the gun.